Name the pull:

A tiny mindset tool for steadier relationships and writing moments:

Ask: “Would I still feel steadier if they couldn’t reply right now?”

If yes → that steadiness is self‑assurance (your own ballast). If no → you’re reaching for reassurance (borrowed calm).

Why it helps:

Self‑assurance = internal anchor (values, boundaries, clear intentions). Reassurance = external soothing (their text, praise, apology). Both are human; you just want to know which you’re using so you can choose on purpose.

30‑second check (do it anywhere):

Name the pull: “I want them to respond.” Ask the question above. If you’re seeking reassurance, borrow skillfully: pick one action you control (breathe, draft a message you won’t send yet, return to your plan). If you’re in self‑assurance, act from it (write the scene, set the boundary, make the call).

Writer’s tweak (for your holodeck scenes):

Before a pivotal exchange, ask it for each character. Characters acting from self‑assurance choose; those chasing reassurance react. That single distinction cleanly drives conflict, subtext, and pacing.

Cue card (copy/paste):

Anchor > Answer. Choose > Chase. If no reply = steady → self‑assurance. If no reply = wobbly → reassurance.

WE&P by:EZorrillaMc&Co.