“Forlorn” means to be pitifully sad

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Of course. “Forlornment” is a profound concept, primarily associated with existentialist philosophy. Here is a breakdown of its definition, history, modern examples, and proposed remedies.

  1. Definition
    In its simplest, everyday usage, to be “forlorn” means to be pitifully sad, abandoned, or lonely. However, in philosophy, forlornment (délaissement in French) is a technical term coined by the existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre to describe the human condition in a godless universe.
    Sartre’s definition rests on a few key ideas:
  • Atheism’s Consequence: Sartre begins with the premise that God does not exist. If there is no God, there is no divine creator who conceived of a “human nature” or a pre-ordained purpose for humanity.
  • No Pre-written Morality: Without God, there are no objective, a priori values or commandments to guide our actions. We cannot look to a sacred text or divine will to tell us what is right or wrong.
  • “Condemned to be Free”: Because we are not created with a purpose and have no universal moral code to follow, we are radically free. Every choice we make is our own. This freedom is not a joyous liberation but a heavy burden—a condemnation—because we are entirely responsible for our actions and, in choosing for ourselves, we choose for all of humanity.
    Forlornment, therefore, is the realization of this abandonment. It is the feeling of being left alone in the universe, without excuses or guidance, bearing the total and profound responsibility for everything we do and for creating our own meaning and values from scratch.
  1. History
    The intellectual roots of forlornment predate Sartre, but he crystallized the concept.
  • Fyodor Dostoevsky: In his 1880 novel The Brothers Karamazov, the character Ivan Karamazov famously grapples with the idea, “If God does not exist, everything is permitted.” This statement is the foundation of forlornment—the terrifying implication that without a divine arbiter, the basis for morality collapses. Sartre directly referenced this idea.
  • Friedrich Nietzsche: In the late 19th century, Nietzsche’s proclamation that “God is dead” explored the cultural and psychological fallout of the decline of Christianity in the West. He foresaw a period of nihilism where people, unmoored from their traditional sources of value, would feel lost and purposeless. This feeling is a direct precursor to forlornment.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre: Sartre popularized and named the concept in his 1946 lecture, Existentialism is a Humanism. Writing in the aftermath of World War II, a time of immense destruction and disillusionment, his philosophy resonated with many who felt that old certainties—religion, patriotism, progress—had failed. Forlornment was a way to describe the feeling of a generation that had to rebuild its values from the rubble.
  1. Examples Today
    While a philosophical concept, forlornment manifests in many contemporary situations where traditional structures have weakened:
  • Career and Life Path: A century ago, a person’s life path was often dictated by family, class, and geography. Today, an individual in a developed nation is faced with a dizzying array of choices for their career, location, lifestyle, and identity. There is no “correct” path. The pressure to “find your passion” and invent a meaningful life from infinite options can induce a state of forlornment—a feeling of being adrift without a map.
  • Moral Dilemmas in a Secular Age: When faced with complex ethical questions—such as the ethics of artificial intelligence, genetic editing, or complex social issues—many people can no longer rely on a single, universally accepted religious or moral authority. They are left alone with their reason and conscience to decide what is right, knowing that their choice helps define what it means to be a moral person.
  • The Creation of Personal Identity: With the decline of singular community, religious, and national identities, individuals are increasingly tasked with constructing their own sense of self. This is often done through consumer choices, social media curation, and personal branding. This absolute freedom to define “who you are” can be liberating, but it also carries the weight of total responsibility, reflecting a modern form of forlornment.
  1. Remedies
    Existentialism argues that forlornment is not a disease to be cured but a fundamental truth of the human condition to be confronted. The “remedy” is not to escape it, but to embrace its implications.
  • Embrace Authentic Action (Sartre): For Sartre, the response to forlornment is commitment and action. Since there is no pre-existing meaning, we create it through our choices. To live authentically is to acknowledge your absolute freedom and responsibility, and to commit to a project, a cause, or a way of life. You define yourself by what you do. Hiding from this freedom by pretending you have no choice (e.g., “I had to do it,” “It’s just my nature”) is what Sartre called “bad faith.”
  • The Search for Meaning (Viktor Frankl): A psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Frankl developed Logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy based on the idea that the primary drive in life is the pursuit of meaning. Unlike Sartre’s emphasis on creating meaning, Frankl suggests we can discover it through three avenues:
  • Work: By creating a work or doing a deed.
  • Love: By experiencing something or encountering someone.
  • Courage: By the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.
  • Rebellion Against the Absurd (Albert Camus): Camus, another existentialist-adjacent thinker, agreed that the universe is meaningless. He called the collision between our desire for meaning and the universe’s silent indifference “the Absurd.” The remedy is not despair but revolt. We must live with passion and rebellion, embracing our freedom in the face of this meaninglessness. His famous metaphor is Sisyphus, who is condemned to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity. Camus concludes, “One must imagine Sisyphus happy,” because Sisyphus finds meaning not in the goal, but in the struggle itself.

Social Media

The relationship between modern social media technologies and the philosophical concept of forlornment is a rich and deeply relevant topic.
While platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok were designed to foster connection, they have, paradoxically, created a powerful modern engine for experiencing and amplifying the core tenets of forlornment: radical freedom, total responsibility for self-creation, and a sense of being alone in a meaningless void.
Here’s a breakdown of how these technologies intersect with forlornment.

  1. The Tyranny of Absolute Freedom: Curating the Self
    Sartre’s forlornment stems from the lack of a pre-defined “human nature.” We are “condemned to be free” to create ourselves. Social media takes this abstract condemnation and makes it a concrete, daily, and public project.
  • From Essence to Profile: Your identity on these platforms is not a given; it is a performance that you are wholly responsible for curating. Your bio, your photos, the aesthetic of your grid, the opinions you post—all are choices that create a public-facing version of “you.”
  • Infinite Choice, Infinite Responsibility: The freedom is absolute. You can present as an adventurer, a scholar, an activist, an artist, or a flawless parent. But this freedom is a burden. Every post carries the weight of defining you, and the anxiety of being judged for that creation is immense. You are entirely responsible for the brand of “you,” and in a world without an objective standard, the only metric of success is the fickle validation of likes, shares, and comments.
  1. The Illusion of Connection, The Experience of Isolation
    Forlornment is the feeling of being fundamentally alone in the universe with your choices. Social media offers a powerful illusion that you are not alone, while often deepening the underlying isolation.
  • Facebook & The Curated Life: Facebook often presents a highlight reel of others’ lives—engagements, promotions, happy vacations. While scrolling through this curated perfection, an individual is often physically alone. The digital “connection” serves to heighten the sense of their own un-curated reality, making their personal struggles feel isolating and unique, rather than a shared part of the human condition.
  • Instagram & The Performance of Perfection: Instagram intensifies this by focusing on visual aesthetics. The user is abandoned to a sea of seemingly perfect bodies, homes, and experiences. This creates a profound gap between one’s own lived reality and the performed reality of others, amplifying feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. You are alone with your flaws in a world that appears flawless.
  • TikTok & The Algorithmic Void: TikTok’s algorithm is exceptionally good at creating a personalized reality tunnel. While this can foster community, it can also create an echo chamber where you are only shown what you already believe, isolating you from differing perspectives. Furthermore, the endless, contextless scroll of the “For You Page” can feel like staring into a meaningless void—a stream of disconnected moments that demand nothing from you but passive consumption, deepening a sense of purposelessness.
  1. Digital “Bad Faith”: Escaping Responsibility
    Sartre’s term for avoiding the responsibility of freedom was “bad faith” (mauvaise foi)—pretending you don’t have a choice by blaming circumstances, your nature, or by blindly following a pre-set path. Social media offers new and powerful forms of bad faith.
  • Following the Trend: Instead of undertaking the difficult work of creating one’s own values and aesthetics, it is far easier to adopt a trending one. Whether it’s a political opinion circulating in your echo chamber, a viral challenge on TikTok, or a lifestyle aesthetic on Instagram (e.g., #cottagecore, #vanlife), the platform provides ready-made identities. Adopting them allows one to escape the anxiety of true, individual choice.
  • The Algorithm as God: One can abdicate responsibility to the algorithm itself. By passively consuming what the “For You Page” delivers, a user allows a non-human entity to shape their desires, interests, and even their worldview. This is a technologically advanced way of saying, “I didn’t choose this; it was chosen for me,” which is the essence of bad faith.
    Conclusion: A Paradoxical Relationship
    The relationship between these technologies and forlornment is the central paradox of our age:
    We have never been more technologically connected, yet the experience of being existentially alone has arguably never been more acute.
    Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok take the abstract problem of a godless universe and place it in the palm of your hand. They present you with a blank slate (your profile), grant you absolute freedom to create yourself, and then abandon you to the silent, judging gaze of an audience of peers and strangers, all without providing any inherent meaning or purpose. They are, in essence, perfect laboratories for the experience of modern forlornment.

How To

Navigating social media without succumbing to the feelings of anxiety, isolation, and meaninglessness associated with forlornment is one of the key challenges of modern life. It requires a conscious shift from being a passive consumer to an active, intentional agent.
The remedies are not about deleting the apps, but about changing your relationship with them. Here is a practical guide on how to use social media and actively avoid forlornment, framed by the philosophical concepts we’ve discussed.

  1. Be a Creator, Not Just a Consumer (The Sartrean Approach)
    Forlornment deepens when you passively scroll, staring into a void of other people’s curated lives. The Sartrean remedy is action and commitment. You must create your own meaning.
  • How to apply it:
  • Shift Your Ratio: Aim for a healthier ratio of creating/contributing versus consuming. Don’t just scroll; post.
  • Use it for a Project: Turn your social media into a tool for something you genuinely care about. Document a skill you’re learning (gardening, painting, coding). Share your passion for a niche hobby (classic films, historical fashion, birdwatching). Use it to organize a local community event.
  • Define Yourself Through Action: By using the platform as a tool for a project, you are defining yourself through your actions and commitments, not by what the algorithm feeds you. You impose your own purpose onto the platform.
  1. Practice Intentional and Mindful Usage (Rejecting “Bad Faith”)
    Mindlessly opening apps out of boredom is a form of “digital bad faith”—you are abdicating your freedom and letting the platform’s design dictate your time and attention. Reclaim your agency through intentionality.
  • How to apply it:
  • Set a Purpose: Before you open an app, ask yourself: “What am I here to do?” Is it to message a specific friend? To check the time for an event? To post a photo? Once you’ve completed your specific task, close the app.
  • Curate Your Feed Ruthlessly: Your feed is your digital environment. Unfollow or mute any account that consistently makes you feel inadequate, anxious, or angry. You are free to choose who you listen to. Actively follow accounts that inspire, educate, or genuinely connect you to your interests.
  • Disable Notifications: Push notifications are a constant call to abdicate your attention. Turn them off. You should decide when to engage with the platform, not the other way around.
  1. Cultivate Genuine Connection, Not Passive Observation (The Humanist Approach)
    Forlornment thrives on the feeling of being alone. Social media’s “likes” and “shares” are weak substitutes for genuine connection. Use the technology to deepen real-world relationships.
  • How to apply it:
  • Move Conversations Off the Timeline: If you see a friend’s interesting post, use it as a starting point for a real conversation in a direct message or, even better, a text or call. Ask questions. Go beyond the superficial “like.”
  • Prioritize Depth Over Breadth: It is better to have five meaningful digital conversations than to get 100 likes from strangers. Focus on the “social” aspect, not the “media” aspect.
  • Use Platforms to Facilitate In-Person Connection: Use tools like Facebook Events or group chats to organize actual meetups with friends, family, or people who share your hobbies. Let the digital world be a bridge to the physical world, not a replacement for it.
  1. Recognize the Performance and Embrace Imperfection (The Camusian Approach)
    The pressure to present a perfect life fuels anxiety and comparison. The Camusian remedy is to rebel against this absurdity by acknowledging the performance and embracing authenticity.
  • How to apply it:
  • Actively Remind Yourself: It’s a Highlight Reel: When you see a “perfect” post, consciously tell yourself, “This is one curated moment, not the whole reality.” This mental check helps break the spell of comparison.
  • Rebel With Your Own Authenticity: Post the imperfect photo. Talk about a struggle or a failure. Share something that is genuinely you, not a version of you designed for maximum engagement. This act of rebellion is liberating and encourages others to do the same.
  • Find Your “Sisyphus Happy”: As Camus suggested, find joy in the process, not the outcome. Post because you enjoy sharing, not because you are chasing likes. Your happiness should come from your own act of expression, regardless of the validation it receives.
    By adopting these strategies, you can transform social media from a space that amplifies forlornment into a tool that you control—one that serves your projects, deepens your real-world connections, and allows for authentic self-expression.

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